Celebrities

Counseling Available for Politicians and Celebrities

Idris Elba wearing a suit and tie

We all have issues and occasionally counseling would seem to be in order for many of us to aid in addressing some of the challenges in our lives. An examination of celebrities and politicians that have made some poor choices recently reveals that they should have sought counseling or should quickly set up some appointments to address troubling issues before they become completely dysfunctional human beings. Sadly, some may have missed the opportunity.

Lulu (pictured) and I are currently deeply involved in working on the software for my “duh machine” which utilizes nanotechnology and can be worn around the neck or placed in an celebrity’s or politician’s pocket to warn them of potentially damaging behavior. It would hone in on the organ that is causing the difficulty and immediately deliver a shock to the brain, genitalia, liver or some other affected organ that danger is near. I’m currently encountering a few technical difficulties, as right now it seems only to be providing a mild buzz which seems to encourage some organs to want to spring into action.

Anyway, absent the release of our invention, perhaps this advice will suffice until we can work out the details.

Michael Vick should seek counseling in an attempt to overcome his self-destructive behavior. Perhaps he should talk to his brother Marcus who has acquired some experience.

Lindsey Lohan definitely needs to meet with Paris on how to get the best out of the prison experience.

Senator Vitter along with Dr. Ruth, Dr. Drew and Dr Joyce Brothers need to convene a conference about human sexuality. Perhaps Vitter’s wife should be in attendance so she will be more cognizant of her husband’s needs.

Since President Bush is scheduled for a colonoscopy (brain scan) on Saturday, perhaps Cheney who will assume the role of the President while Bush is under anesthesia should consult with retired General and former Secretary of State (“I’m in charge”) Haig to determine the proper course of action in the event of an emergency.

Nick Nolte and David Hasselhoff certainly need a discussion about the potential for acquiring a “memory foam mattress” for those times when their narcolepsy seems to get the best of them.

Commissioner, Roger Goddell and Dr. Phil need to convene a conference on how to deal with the aberrant behavior of many NFL players. Perhaps the Minnesota Vikings could offer some suggestions on how to have a family outing.

Representative Reid and Speaker Pelosi might want to consider a review of Dale Carnegie’s, How to Win Friends and Influence People as it seems their policies have resulted in less popularity than broccoli at a birthday party. Perhaps Anne Coulter would have some helpful advice.

In summary, one has to believe that counseling would help. I’d love to attend some of the proposed conferences. How about you?

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